At times our path to success might lead us to feel like we are constantly turning the corner and another flight of stairs appears...The path might even feel like it is leading us to nowhere... burn out, divorce, loss of family and friends. Some of us may choose along the path to single out one goal, putting all our energy into achieving that one goal, whether it is a single minded focus on your job or being the best stay-at-home parent. But no matter how noble - a single goal cannot satisfy all of a person's complex needs and desires.
I am talking about real enduring success over time - where getting what you want has rewards and satisfaction that is sustainable for you and those you care about! This type of success endures way beyond a raise, a bonus, a vacation or a new car or home. It involves an attainment of legitimacy and importance. Lasting success brings with it renewing emotions not anxieties.
It is important for each person to understand and develop his or her unique definition of success over time. I would propose that your definition contain the following four components:
- Happiness - feelings of pleasure or contentment about your life
- Achievement - accomplishments that compare favorably against similar goals others strive for
- Significance - the sense that you made a positive impact on people you care about
- Legacy - a way to establish your accomplishments so as to help others find future success
Unless you hit on all four categories with regularity, any one win will fail to satisfy. You win but have that uneasy feeling. You know what you did was right, but it still feels like a loss. You get preoccupied with all the other things you could be doing. Your achievement and pleasure fades almost as soon as it occurs. Even despite your "celebration" you are on to the next flight of stairs.
Lasting satisfaction draws energy from accomplishing something in each of the four categories over time. You must consciously pursue victories in all four categories while staying in touch with your values and special talents.
There is a complex concept behind this that I have begun to grasp and is my reason for sharing this. There is a true paradigm one of accepting limitations. It flies in the face of the popular opinion that success is all about breaking through limitations, that it is about having more, being more, doing more. Enduring success over time is about deliberately imposing limitations - about developing a skill of the pursuit of "just enough". It is developing re-focusing skills, focusing on one task, one goal until it gives you a particular sense of satisfaction - "just enough", then put it down and jump to the next category with a sense of accomplishment and renewed energy.
This will stop you from atrtributing your success to one event/goal/role or realm of life (see above). Your accomplishments can have measures of acheivement at wildly varying magnitudes. Some goals in one category may involve attainment at a small scale - just enough -while others are at a scale that demanded sustained effort over time. Objectives in the categories are not amount of activity or number of rewards in any one category, but securing a proportionate mix of all four and understanding the dynamics of the four categories.
Posts
